I Loved You In Secret

"Don't give up on me yet
Don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
But don't let me stay here alone

This time all I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
I've seen it all and it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you"

What happens when you learn of something that hits home? I was walking back one day and I was dismayed at the stories I hear; at that time, I felt in my heart was a mixture of guilt, fear and confusion. But I learnt the hard way that in weakness we find strength, and in times of desperation, we find miracles.

I love the people around me. And it is as simple as that. Is it so hard to understand? I love God. I love my family. I love my friends. I believe this love lingers within our very beings. I hear many hate languages about their parents, siblings, relatives, friends, but do we really feel that way? When we learn that they are gone forever, we weep, and in their hearts is a mourning voice, "Why didn't I treat him/her better?"

I read this on Xiaowei's blog recently:
"the bully may be trying to hide his insecurity
the girl who does not say no to her boyfriend's physical demands
may be afraid to lose the only one who has shown interest in her and her in him.
the show-off may had no one to tell him he is important or special
the boy who uses vulgar language may be trying to gain them friendship,
and acceptance of his peers.
the girl who pretends she doesn't care about anything,
may be feeling very hurt that no one seems to care for her."

Sigh, I don't know why I am blogging this actually, I usually don't deal with heavy stuff on my blog. I guess this post itself is a soul seeking experience. I took things for granted and I lived in a life of todays and many tomorrows. Maybe fear controls me too much, I fear too much of how others will think if I became radical and started this 'live each day like it is your last thing. In my mind, I read a guide to Breaking Barriers and it kinda spoke to me. I mean, I'm sure everyone (I do mean everyone) enjoys a good, crazy (and sincere), "BABY I LOVE YOU" or "YOU MAKE ME SMILE" or even "I LIKE YOUR FACE!"

Okay,
I love you God,
I love you father, I love you mother,
I love you Pei, I love you Lei, I love you Mei,
I love you Aunty Joy, I love you Ahma, I love you PoPo,
I love you Friends, I love you church,
I love you cold dinners, I love you rock,
I love you sofa, I love you socks
...and it goes on.

I thank God that this dawned upon me today and not tomorrow.
I guess death doesn't have to be your only wake up call.